Contrastically Speaking!?

Here is some wisdom for the Juggler (This was originally a reply to a post of how Juggler feels about negs):

My focus in an interaction is quite different than what many community trained people might think. If you listen to some of the recordings that have been made of me or if you go out 'sarging' with me you might come to believe I am teasing or Negging. But that is not the purpose, only a random effect. I will explain.

I have trained myself to talk in a particular conversational pattern when I am talking with strangers and attempting to 'bring them in'. This is something that I teach my students in Conversation Camp.

Rule: A good piece of dialogue has contrast.

"I like apples because they are good for me. Well, actually they make me think of my hot third grade teacher. She is old now but I would still bonk her. Is that wrong? Maybe, but then again who among us has not sinned."

Okay, this is a little bit nonsense but is the type of thing I will say. Read it carefully. There are about six shifts back and forth in tone. I basically contradict myself six times. This creates contrast. It is also slightly humorous. And it lends the dialogue a 'real' feel. I am not pushing to convince anyone of anything. This is evident to the listener because I am contradicting myself.

Last night I went out with Kory and Matt and Chad to the Circle bar with our clients here in LA for the bootcamp. I got talking to these four cougars and I remember saying to one of them, "That's so sexy when you do that. But then again I'm easy." Was I trying to NEG or push-pull her? Well, that might have been how it sounded to someone who knows those concepts but in fact I was just talking in this back and forth way that I do. I was speaking contrastically. That's it! From now on I will call it contrastically speaking. We got a new term. (The neighbors' dog keeping me up at 2AM seconds that.)

So I could speak contrastically about you or me or Kory or anything and you may think that I am purposefully Negging or gaming the other person but that is not the intent.

Is there a practical difference? Does intent matter? Yes and yes. If my intention was to NEG or Tease, I would be in a weak position because I would be trying to effect her. I would be trying to lower her so that I could win her approval. How it stands now, I don't care if my words have that sort of effect. The intent of my contradictions is only to have a real interaction. Once it is real it is a different ball game than everyone else plays and you and her can begin to 'sarge' each other.

All the best,
Wayne

This post is Awesome! I know this is not a new idea, but Juggler has presented it in a new light. People have known for centuries that the main aspect of a good story is conflict. In a good tale there is always a protagonist and a antagonist, a hero and a villain, a anti-hero and a anti-villain, etc. There is always some handsome, young farm boy fighting against all the odds to overthrow an evil empire or another classically gorgeous, fairy princess trying to preserve the traditions and culture of her kingdom against the onslaught of a dark and overwhelming force. These contrasts in stories keep the audience on their feet and glued to see how these little anecdotes progress.

Juggler has done quite the same thing with his parlance. Wayne has substituted the farm boy fighting against the evil empire with his stories of apples and how they remind him of the guilt he feels about his hypothetical situations with his sexy, third grade teacher. This ingenuous manner of speaking can brighten up dim conversations, add a flare of contrast in a sea of boredom and bring a new sense of humor to your life which everyone around you can enjoy.